I wish my penis had an off switch
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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