Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
