i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
