Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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