i think i have two assholes
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
