Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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