just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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