you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
