the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
