Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
