you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
