Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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