I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
