Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Houston, we have a squirter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
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