sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
