I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Randomize
