I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
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