chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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