Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
