I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
we're chasing vodka with high fives
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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