nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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