At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
