My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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