I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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