I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
