Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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