so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
