I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
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