Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
