just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
