discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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