Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
