i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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