go do what you do best...puke behind churches
either way he was missing a nipple.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
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I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
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Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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