i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
