Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
wow bdsm is so cute
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Randomize
