Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
