if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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