Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize