ya dads aren't the best wingmen
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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