so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
