The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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