I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
