this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
