swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
