i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize
