i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
