dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
this will be a night to untag.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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