My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
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If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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