I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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