Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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