whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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