I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
