Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
