Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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