my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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