Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
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