On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I sprained my soul last night
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.