remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
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he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i dont even know how to be here
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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