she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
