getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
