In America we eat man semen.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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