then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
