i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
