i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
