you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Randomize
