No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
