I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
