All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.