I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.