I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.