We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.