Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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