I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good