I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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