Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
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