i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
